Writing and American Icons

Today I got feedback on my run-on sentences (which I tried to fix). I also got feedback about how my paper really didn't have much flow, or transitions and with help from Randy I tried to fix that in the draft below. Another thing I got feedback on was how much I talked about my icon.

For my artist's statement I want to continue editing and removing things from it to get it down to the one page limit and get rid of grammar errors and run on sentences. My main goal is to make sure my paper has smooth and logical transitions.


My New Draft::

In the 90 degree heat, the sun pounding down, with humidity, hiking for miles and carrying heavy gardening tools hardly seems like something anyone would want to do. Take that and add washing 400 peoples dishes 3 times every day, inconsiderate of how much syrup they leave on the plate or how much food they leave on the floor it doesn’t seem like something someone would willing chose to do. Take a week of doing that, and add two weeks of being a counselor in training, spending 24 hours a day taking care of up to 12 7 to 9 year olds. Constantly dealing with the whines, tears from being homesick, the picky eaters, the ones who refused to change clothes and, of course, the ones who were afraid of any crawling creature.

When Im asked what I did over this past summer, people never understand why I smile and say I spent three weeks on a mountain at a summer camp. One week washing dishes and clearing trails and two being a counselor in training and to top it off, I didn’t get paid, I actually paid them. For me, its not about saying I did my fair share of community service or getting a guaranteed job for next summer, I just love being able to give back and most importantly, help be a role model for my young campers. In their eyes, I was the coolest counselor ever, had all the knowledge in the world and I could do it all.

In a way, I think that I can do it all, and not just fit into the roles society puts women in. I believe I can be the camp counselor who’s rugged and up for anything, the future medical researcher, the humanitarian and the girl who loves clothes and shopping. My personality and identity is multidimensional. It isn’t just the medical researcher or just the materialistic girl or even the cook of the family, because even one of those would seem like enough for some people. I think that all of these different elements can be combined. I want to inspire my campers not to just be the girl who likes to do “girly” things but the one who likes to do a combination of everything. In recent years, more women are doing just that and it has really made them American icons in my eyes. One person who really does do it all is Madonna. I, like her have different parts of my identity that shine through depending on the people I am with. Madonna wouldn’t be the glamourous singer around her children, or while doing humanitarian work in Africa.

As a world renowned pop artist, dancer, actress, and humanitarian, Madonna doesn’t fit your average mom role. In Malawi, Africa; one of the poorest in the world, you would never expect to find the “material girl” Madonna trekking around, adopting a child and helping other children. She manages to go do all of this while still being a mother and an artist. Madonna is an inspiration to me not because of all the albums she has sold, or all the money she has made, but the work she is doing in Africa. A place she never went to prior to donating her money.

I have been inspired by Madonna for doing so much for the children in Africa and all of the other humanitarians both well known and not known at all, for going and helping directly where it is needed, and now more then ever, I want to go do the same thing. I hope to go to medical school and into research medicine and spend some time working in places that really need it. Through Madonna I learned that you can help out a cause you at first, may know nothing about and end up feeling really passionate about it. All of the humanitarians in our world have also been an inspiration for me, and for Madonna too. Without them no one would think to go out and help people less fortunate or have the great ideas to start a new cause that genuinely helps people.

As for now, I believe I am a mini humanitarian, with my other multidimensional parts mixed in, not making a difference on a large scale yet, but making a difference at my camp. And being an inspiration for the girls I was a counselor for this past summer, teaching them about who actually does the dishes and who makes all of the trails walk-able for everyone. And as I’ll make them do a service project on an afternoon where they could be swimming, they’ll all look at me and scrunch up their faces in disgust. Just saying how they don’t want to be working and how doing dishes sounds like no fun, I’ll tell them how important it is to do something good when there’s nothing in it for you.